I feel like you are my dying grandfather and I should visit you everyday.
-Andrew Constantino

Stay Awesome.

If you need my permission to be awesome, here it is. Permission granted.
- Monty

Context: Monty reminds us that we don't need his permission each time we want to be awesome.

I'm gonna need a large steak, some mashed potatahs, and a nap. And I'll be ready to go.
- Monty

8.1 seconds. Can we try for under 10?
- Monty

This rehearsal brought to you by the word Dynamics, and the letters P and F.
- Monty

Monty: Tevita, it's in C, so you'll need to start on a C.
Daniel: So you'll need a diving suit.

Monty: I think this music was written for a woman.
Tevita: I can do it!

Money and undergarments will be flying on the stage.
- Monty

Also, no smiling or joy today. Happiness is not allowed today. Thank you.
- Monty

Context: Announcement on Valentine's day about no balloons and other fun stuff.

It's not brain science. Rocket surgery.
- Monty

"You can leave the answering machine off for your solo."
- Monty

Joseph: What do I do when everyone gets here?

Monty: Start herding everybody.

Joseph: Start hurting everybody?

Monty: You laugh now, but just you wait.

Everyone is frozen, worried they'll be chosen. I'm a poet and don't even know it.
- Monty

Monty: I'll ask a question, and you all know the answer.
Tevita: No.

I have the same birthday as Duke Ellington, and we weighed the same as babies.
- Monty

True story, my third birthday, every gift I opened up was just what I always wanted. And I told them that. Roller skates, it's just what I always wanted! Sunglasses, it's just what I always wanted! Box of crayons, it's just what I always wanted! I think that's all I could say when I was three.
- Monty

"Whenever I try to talk loud it sounds like i'm going through puberty."

-Monty

"Follow the rhythm on the page, not in your heart."

- Monty

Context: Many players were playing familiar rhythms the way they assumed it should sound rather than the correct arrangement.

"We were a potted plant."

- Monty

Context: Monty was talking about how our sound grew. I think.

"I hope that's the last trumpet anything."

- I forgot who

Context: Monty showed his classes The Last Trumpet Christmas

"Based on my profession, I'd rather be deaf. I mean blind."

- Monty

Context: During the ice breakers of bandsgiving, Monty was asked if he would rather be deaf or blind.

"You can grab my pants and shove them in your shirt."

- Annie Rencher

Context: Annie had an extra pair of pants and someone needed to look fat for something.

"On a scale of one to a sack of potatoes, we got a pepperoni pizza."

- Monty

Context: The jazz band asked Monty what our rating was for the jazz festival and he informed us that there were no ratings,

"When you are playing the funk, you gotta look like there is a dirty sock right in your face."

- Monty

Context: Monty was telling the jazz ensemble that they looked too upbeat and happy when playing Give Up the Funk.

Context: Matt Forbes and Monty were talking about playing Pizzicato with the bass.

Kelsey: What's pizzicato?

Kyla: It's Pizza...with cato.

Context: In order to help out the kinesthetic learners, Monty was explaining the four phases of graduation on his fingers. Phase 1 being index finger, Phase 2 being middle finger, Phase 3 being ring finger, and Phase 4 being Pinkie.

"Now this is phase two. Do not show me phase two on it's own."

- Monty

"Oh my gosh! There's some notes here!"

- Monty

Context: Monty said we were reading the sheet music like we had blinders on and that we needed to look up more.

"That's the best idea. Change during lunch then leave your clothes in here.
That sounds really bad.
Change during lunch then leave you SPARE clothes in here."

- Monty

Context: Monty wants everyone to bring their Concert Black clothes so they can change into it for Graduation after school.

Kelsey: "Some people can't not not breathe."
D. Joseph: "All people can't not not breathe."

Context: Monty was telling people to not breathe for phrases of Pomp and Circumstance.

"We finally came up to the dynamic level of the flutes! Why is it that our flute players play like trumpets, and out trumpets... Well..."

- Monty

Context: *Needed*

"You guys sound like a transformer horror movie."

- George

Context: Said to the French Horn section.

"Are you guys examining each other's legs?"

- Monty

Context: *Needed*

"I have heard that Jim will do anything if we chant his name."

- Monty

Context: *Needed*

"Cade is our example. Everybody look like Cade."

- Monty

Context: Monty said we had to look nice for the performance, but we didn't need to wear concert black.

Context: A few of us were telling Monty our speculations on his life. And the picture of him photoshopped into the Huxtable family was brought up.

"I'm the Huxtable bodyguard. There was a situation."

- Monty

"I wanna be on dancing with the stars. Because I, am a star."

- John Watters

Context: According to Daniel Nicholson, John said this to him one day in band. John told me he didn't remember it, but that means nothing because Monty didn't remember more than half of these quotes.

Context: Monty's 6th grade band is playing Suit and Tie. So after school it was stuck in his head and he was singing his version. He has repeated it a couple times.

As long as I got my suit and tie

I'm gonna eat some apple pie.

You can make fun but I won't cry.

Gonna show you a good thing.

All dressed up in black and white,

I'm gonna eat some vegemite

Then wash it down with a sprite.

Gonna show you a good thing.

Context: Monty was explaining this blog to one of his 6th graders.

Monty: "Its a blog full of band quotes, but it's mostly things I say."
6th Grader: "Like stop talking?"

"Will you jump up and down and wave your arms in the air and say 'Mr. Montgomery, stop!'?"

- Monty

Context: Monty wanted Alessia to let him know when it was a few minutes before the end of class so that he could give out audition material.

Context: Monty was explaining to symphonic band how to swing 8th notes.

Monty: "If it's on a down-beat, you say DU. Everybody say DU.
Everybody: "DU"
Monty: "That's disgusting, why would you all say that. Now, if it's on the up-beat you say BA. Everybody say BA."
Everybody: "BA"
Monty: "You are all sheep."

Context: Monty was showing us the audition material for Wind Ensemble and Jazz Band. He is gonna be using material used by All State music programs. I thought about the insurance company and then made a connection.

"All state. Are you in good bands?"

- D. Joseph

Context: We were playing through the Woody Herman arrangement of  Things Ain't What They Used To Be, and Monty was telling the saxophones to be loud like they saxophones in the recording. So he plugs in his phone to play it but it doesn't play, so he gives up.

Monty: "Alright saxophones and rhythm section at 13-"
Recording: "Mr. Woody Herman..."

Context: Monty had the Symphonic Band play through Major scales to see how many we could play as a band.

"That's 7, that's over half. That means there are 5 left. Let's play the other 5 in 16th notes. 1-e-+-a-2-e-+-a-Ready-+-a-go-e-+-a"

- Monty

"Sing it out metaphorically. With your instruments."

- Monty

Context: Monty told the trumpet section to sing out their parts, and everyone but one started to sing instead of play. 

"It's a bright and sunny day, and we are all ready for The Quest."

- Monty

Context: Describing how the beginning of The Quest should be played.

Context: In Symphonic Band we recorded our songs then listened to them so that we could find what to improve.

Matt (Trumpet player): The saxophones were rushing all the time.
Monty: These are not personal attacks.
Matt: Yeah they are.

"We are supposed to sound like bagpipes. Only in tune."

- Monty

Context: We are playing The Lord Of The Dance and the beginning is supposed to resemble bagpipes.

Monty: Everybody look at your backsides.

Tevita: Our own backsides?

Monty: Everyone look at your own backside. Tevita.

Context: I think we were doing a breathing exercise.

"What kind of day is it today? A tri-pul-let-day to-day."

- Monty

Context: He has many words he uses to describe rhythms.

"Who needs an alphabet? I get to G and start over."

- Monty

Context: He was telling us to go backwards from I to K. Someone corrected him.

"My whole life I thought that trombones existed just to back up the trumpets. I was later told this isn't the case, but it is right now."

- Monty

Context: Monty was telling the trombones how they should play their part.

Matt Forbes: "It's definitely time to go."

Monty: "What?! You're definitely time to go."

Context: Matt is generally the one to keep Monty on schedule with dismissal.

Monty: "I might have a loaner."
D. Joseph: "You're a loaner."
Monty: "Hey. I'm just going into my office."

Context: Someone didn't have their instrument so Monty was gonna loan them one.

"This "Oh!" moment brought to you by your #2 Pencil!"

- Monty

Context: We were playing a song and Monty told us we were playing the rhythm incorrectly. I noticed the mistake and said "Oh" so he told me to mark it with my pencil.

Joseph: "Jump, Jive an' Wail."
Kelsey Guthrie: "Drunk Drivin' Whale?"

Context: The Jazz Band was about to play Jump, Jive an' Wail, and I was letting Kelsey know.

"This whole thing is like a fat guy climbing the stairs."

- Monty

Context: Describing how the low brass part should sound. This was the first image to pop into his head at that time.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, like infinity."

- Monty

Context: He was counting something to show there was a lot and he gave up.

"If you contort yourself to play your instrument, your instrument is playing you."

- Monty

Context: He was talking to the band about posture and breathing correctly.

Monty: "Humoreske, It's German for 'Death'."
Student: "Really?"
Monty: "Hah, no."

Context: He was naming off the songs in Instant Concert.

"I am more interesting than anyone in the low brass section."

- Monty

Context: Students in the low brass were talking to each other while Monty was trying to talk.

Context: Monty asked the band which section had control of the tempo. It was the low brass.

Monty: "Who drives this part?

Katie Richardson: "Car?"

Jake: The score was 11-10.
Austin: Who got the runs?

Context: Talking about baseball.

"This is supposed to be angry grandfather; you're playing it like a napping grandfather! Teach this boy a lesson!"

- Monty

Context: Said while playing Peter and the Wolf

"You were stomping on baby chicks! Stop killing the baby chicks!"

- One of the clinicians on the Eastern Washington Trip

Context: Info Needed.

"The 1/8th notes need to be 13.5% shorter."

- Monty

Context: Info needed.

Context: We were listening to announcements today and there was an announcement about opening night for 9 to 5. The announcer was reading the announcement in an interesting way.

"Everyone be quiet. We are witnessing literacy in action."

- Monty

"Thank you for putting away your chairs and stands. And thank you for being awesome."

- Monty

Context: Said while we were packing up.

"I'm fishing, I never catch anything, but I get back and  they ask if I caught anything. No, but one of them almost bit. I know it."

- Monty

Context: Someone said they almost hit a note or something, and Monty explained how almost is the same as not happening.

"You guys played perfectly together a rhythm that isn't in your parts."

- Monty???

Context: I believe it was saxophones playing a part incorrectly, but playing it completely together.

"Say 'Cheese.' What happens in your throat?"

- Adjudicator for Global Connections

Context: He was having them feel the shapes of their throats as they made different sounds. So that they could make their general band sound better.

Adjudicator: "Have you guys seen Gladiator? Where at the end the guy is reaching into heaven cause he was stabbed and knew he was gonna die?"
Student: "Whoa, spoiler alert."
Adjudicator: "No? Never mind."

- Adjudicaton for Wind Ensemble

Context: Describing a part of the music they were playing.

"I called you all here, to tell you how awesome you all are."

-  Monty

Context: Said while we were waiting for the buses to the PAC for the Soundview Festival.

Context: I suggested to Monty that he should scat for us. Vocal scatting. However, out of context it could have different meaning.

"I scat all of the time."

- Monty

"You'll hear him speak in Australian."

- Monty

Context: He was telling Brady Flotten and I about a website with instructional videos from an Australian guy.

"Stop breathing!"

- Monty

Context: Monty was telling us to breath the beat before the start of a song, and Tevita Tupou had very loud intakes of air.

"We need someone cooler than me to lead it. *some people raise their hands* Oh, everyone thinks they are cooler than me now."

- Monty

Context: He was asking if we did the "Time is Fine" exercise, but didn't want to lead it himself.

Monty: "This is not my time for isometric exercises."
D. Joseph: "Isometric?"
Monty: "Is that a thing?"

Context: He was holding his arms up ready to conduct and waiting for us to pick up our instruments.

"It's like we're building the skeleton of your solo."

- Monty

Context: We were working on chord tones and the head for Things Ain't What They Used To Be.

Context: I was trying to announce something to the band using the microphone while the stand was all the way down. However it didn't work.

D. Joseph: "Aww, It's off. Why Monty? Why?"
Monty: "To make you look like a fool."

Monty right before we play a chorale: "If we do that, no band can play better than us."
Monty right after we play the chorale: "Bands can play better than us."

Context: I forgot the advice he gave us to play the best.

"It's an Instant Concert. Just add water. Microwave for three minutes on high."

- Monty

Context: We were playing Instant Concert by Harold L. Walters

"If you Burp in a forest and nobody is there to hear it, did you actually burp?"

- Monty

Context: Said while creating the Official Belching Rubric with Brady Flotten and I. We were talking about how burps can only be rated high if people are around.

D. Joseph: "Did you steal some of your mother-in-law's stuff?"
Monty: "No... I borrowed it."

Context: He said that he was staying after school until Mrs. Monty came to help him get some of her mother's stuff out of his office.

Official Belching Rubric

Created By: Monty, Brady Flotten, and D. Joseph Wilcken

3 points possible for Length, Volume, and Pitch each. 

+1 point if at least 5 people are nearby and laugh.

"I'm supposed to be doing work and instead I'm doing this."

- Monty

"I love telling people to shut-up because everybody knows I'm not serious... But seriously, shut up."

- Monty

Context: Said at the extra practice during HSPE testing. People were being loud.

"You stay at Crazy Go Nuts University cause the band is playing at forte for the chorus and you are the soloist. You are the professor by the time you are done. Then it is all down hill from there."

- Monty

Context: Using his analogy of how a solo is like a plot arc and the climax is CGNU, he told Mika how his solo was an exception because he needed to start loud and crazy.

Context: While talking to Mrs. Shaw, Devin Shaw, And I about his music for the Music Works Jazz Orchestra. He told Devin and I to not listen. I did.

"You guys stop listening. Most of the time I don't practice, I just show up and play."

- Monty

Monty: "While I was in my office, I was listening to us."
D. Joseph: "You weren't listening to her?"
Monty: "Nope, no idea what she said."

Context: He went into his office to talk to someone, and we continued playing without him.

"If it sounds like angels, you're good."

- Monty

Context: The best way to tell if you are in tune.

Context: Monty was letting the trumpets tune a bit more, and Matt tried to point out what was wrong.

Matt Forbes: "You're flat."
Monty: "She's got ears!"

"And always let the tubas be your guide"

- Monty

Context: Telling us to listen to the tubas for dynamics.

"You guys are doing a little better at following the conductor than the wind ensemble.

- Monty

Context: Said as a compliment after we followed his conducting well.

"At first you thought you were Crazy Go Nuts, but you really weren't."

- Monty

Context: Monty gave an excellent lesson about how a good solo is like a plot arc, and the climax is where you play CGNU or Crazy Go Nuts University. Basically where you just play wildly. Not really having to do with the CGNU or the Dumples.

"I'm dreaming of the day where we sing through a chorale like this and then walk into the choir room unannounced and sing through it on 'dah'."

- Monty

Context: We were singing a chorale in band in order to here how we should play it.

"If you want to mess with someone hide in the closet and jump out and scare them."

- Monty

Context: He offered an alternative to messing with someone's instrument.

"They are tools for musical powers."

- Monty

Context: He was talking about our instruments being important and that we shouldn't mess with other people's instruments.

"I wondered what I'd have to say to get on the blog. And then I questioned my life."

- Lindsey Yaroslaski

Context: This quote was said a while ago but I came across it and thought it should be posted. She was talking about how she had been looking on the blog over the weekend.

Congratulations, You made it just by questioning your life. That's all it takes.

"Did I say that? Did I say any of those things?"

- Monty

Context: Some of us at the jam session started quoting him back to him.

100th quote on the blog!

"Off on what beat? Off on nebulous and a half?"

- Monty

Context: Sometimes Monty will be talking to the class and ask a question, then mumble quotes or other things to himself. Sometimes I hear what he said and can write it down.

"Dom, that was disgusting... I loved it."

- Monty

Context: He was telling Dom to make his solo sound nasty and disgusting in order to be hip.

"The building has amazing security. If you come in at the wrong time, hundreds of guns pop out of the walls and point at you. Like The Incredibles."

- Monty

Context: We were talking about the security at the school and he was exaggerating a little.

"Go home, lock yourself in the bathroom. Your parents will think you're crazy. That's okay, I do too."

- Monty

Context: He was explaining how bathrooms have really great acoustics because of the tile, and therefore make a great place to practice and hear yourself. Also, there is a mirror generally so you can see what you look like while playing and improve your posture.

"Ain't it feel good? That's the stuff life is made of."

- Monty???

Context: I have no memory of this quote, but I found it written in my handwriting on my music folder. I think Monty said it but I have no clue.

"Your sheet music should be slightly moist."

- Monty

Context: He was telling the saxophones to really articulate some notes, even if it was only spittle half of the time.

"It's like you're a 350-pound linebacker."

- Monty

Context: He was either describing how people were playing there notes, or how they were supposed to play their notes. All loud and heavy.

"That's what I heard. I heard Vietnamese noodles right there."

- Monty

Context: He was describing how saxophones played a rhythm with the last note sounding like "FUH".

The more limbs that are flailing about, the better it looks."

- Monty

Context: In reference to the Harlem Shake.

"I don't care what your rhythms are, just play them right."

- Monty

Context: Said to the trumpets of Wind Ensemble.

"It's most endearing when you scream my name at the top of your lungs down the hallway."

- Monty

Context: I have a habit of yelling "HEY MONTY!" when I see him down a hall.

"That's why I like playing trumpet. I can hide behind it. I close my eyes and I'm in my own little world."

- Monty

Context: Someone asked him why he didn't sing in front of large crowds of real people.

"You need to have Collin in your hearts."

"You have to follow the drum set of your heart...and my tempo."

- Monty

Context: Reminders to follow the soft rock drum beat even when it isn't played.

Context: Reily asked Monty if he still had the hair ties that were given to him.

"I had to buy new ones. 'Cause I was tired of them not matching anything. Oh look, pink and orange. This totally matches what I'm wearing."

- Monty

"I'll punch a wall then you'll feel bad cause it will hurt me."

- Monty

Context: He was telling students why they shouldn't ask the time for a concert anymore.

"This last act is like the cake of the performance. It's... delicious.
... You might see that on the blog."

- Monty

Context: Said at Sweet Harmonies. And yes, even though I wasn't there, I still got it for the blog. I have my sources.

"Cheers for Bin Laden! You better be careful when you where that shirt."

- Monty

Context: I have a shirt that says "11 Cheers For Binary" and my coat was covering "11" and "-ary" so he thought it said "Cheers For Bin"

"Some of you were avoiding the key signature like it was an obstacle in a video game. Whoa!  I almost hit the right note there."

- Monty

Context: We missed a lot of accidentals while playing a chorale.

"Because Mr. M.'s advisory is awesome.
Mr. M., Monty, Me. I refer to myself in the 3rd person."

- Monty

Context: People in symphonic were asking why there were donuts on the counter. I was confused when he called himself Mr. M.

"It's like yoga for your ears."

- Monty

Context: While telling the percussion section about the new percussion class, he said they would do all percussion things and wouldn't need to sit around doing nothing like when we do our "yoga tuning thing".

"Oh look! I installed curtains on my head!"

- Monty

Context: We were talking about hairstyles. And balding with long hair.

"Amazing. Amazing use of silence."

- Monty

Context: While playing a song, people got lost and nobody came in at a certain part.

"It was delicious...for a time."

- Monty

Context: Talking about eating a lot of cookie dough.

"That sounded really good. I don't know if I tell you that ever, but it was good!"

- Monty

Context: We once did something great in jazz band. I don't remember what.

"I am only going to speak to you in melodies from now on."
- Monty

Context: After getting a quote, Monty decided he was not gonna say anything I could quote. This was a while ago.

"Hey Monty, how much does this chorale cost?
A 'Bach 95'."

- D. Joseph

Context: We were playing a chorale called Bach 95. Which sounded like Buck 95.

Context: Clara made a random squawk-y noise during a rest.

"Someone left a baby elephant in here!"

- Monty

"Taylor Swift is my homegirl."

- Monty

Context: Someone had asked Monty if she could play Taylor Swift on his speakers so everyone could sing along. Monty said no because he was listening to a Tom Harrell CD. This was his response when I asked if he didn't like Taylor Swift.

Austin: Can I go to the restroom now?
Monty: Yes, go take a crap!

Context: In advisory 01/24/13, Austin asked to go to the bathroom several times before Monty responded.

Context: I asked him why he was a little late on one of the icy mornings.

"I went around the first curve, and I spun around and was like 'oh no, don't be late' and I had to drive the rest of the way in reverse."

- Monty

"I'm going to get cancer cause i'm yelling at trombones!"

...

"Thank you saxophones for being here for my health."

- Monty

Context: Saxophones were playing better than trombones.

Riley: That'll ruin the whole song!
Monty: You'll ruin the whole song!

Context: Monty said they were going to change part of Live and Let Die

Joseph: So we are going with a circle today?
Monty: Yeah.
Joseph: Or a square?
Monty: You're a square.

Context: I was asking how the Jazz band was setting up the chairs.

"Where it goes up to the heavens, gets mixed around a little bit, then thrown back down."

- Cameron

Context: He was explaining a part of a Jazz piece for some saxophones.

"KILL YOUR PART! Musically."

- Paul Harshman

Context: He had told the percussionist to "drop the bomb" when hitting the bass drum, then pointed out how violent music can sound.

"It's better to kick the cat than squeeze the cat!"

- Paul Harshman

Context: He was talking about blurting sounds and how some notes can sound like you are squeezing a cat, but it is better to sound like the cat is being kicked.

"... Go ahead and clap now."

- Paul Harshman

Context: Our Jazz Band was listening to the Music Works Jazz Orchestra rehearse, and we sat quietly for a few seconds after they finished a song.

"I keep telling her she'd look good with a shaved head."

- Monty

Context: We were talking about crazy hairstyles, and he was talking about Mrs. Monty.

Monty: Sleep does not do wonders for my hair.
Joseph: Does it get really messy?
Monty: It gets all knotty... Not that kind of knotty.

Context: I said he needed his beauty sleep to keep his hair nice.

"You can fix it all you want, it's still a mullet."

- Monty

Context: Said after I was fixing my hair at the mirror.


"Trust me, I have a pony tail."

- Cade narrating for Joseph

Context: A line from Little Red Running Shorts. Where Joseph was pretending to be Monty.


Better late than never. RIP Joseph's Mullet.

"It's as if you have a puppy named solo, and you do what you do what you do, what you do what you do."

- Mika

Context: Explaining how soloing should be fun and you should have fun with it.

"Their different is different than ours there."

- Monty

Context: He was talking about how the recording of a piece was doing something different than we were doing, and he got tongue-tied.

"We preach intestinal breathing here."

- Monty

Context: He was talking about how the diaphragm pushes your intestines out of the way and other science stuff.

"He's going to show them the way to truth and righteousness."

- Monty

Context: I don't remember exactly. I know he was talking about Mika and the Pacific Jazz Band.

"'Tis the season... for Jingle Jazz."

- Monty

Context: Said before performing Good King Wenceslas at the Rotary Club meeting.

Happy Holidays!

"And now you know why we are a band and not a choir."

- Monty

Context: He says this when the band tries to sing a song. Like when we sing to the bus drivers.

Alisha Wilcken: "I don't want to sound like a quitter, but is there a bass part for Molly On The Shore?"
Monty: "You sound like a quitter."

Context: Alisha plays Flute and Bass, and Bass is a lot easier with some songs.

Monty: "Mika is giving you all the musical equivalent to play-doh."
Mika: "No, I am giving them the musical equivalent to 5 dollars in the dollar store."

Context: Mika taught the Middle School students the major pentatonic scale.

"Let me get my magic trumpet machine."

- Monty

Context: Monty was telling us about when Matt Forbes had brought him Mariya's broken trumpet. This was sarcasm because he can't do anything for a destroyed trumpet.